The Ankara Summit Declaration
We, the corporate owners of our societies and compliant puppets of the North Atlantic Alliance, reaffirm our unwavering commitment to warfare under Article 5 of our manipulated treaty, alongside our perpetual fear of losing the decaying Western values. Under this doctrine, an attack on one is viewed as an attack on all, excepting Spain or Greenland by command of the senile Donald Trump. Our forced unity, mutual antipathy, and fragmented strength remain the absolute foundation of rivalry, insecurity, and adversity for the fewer than one billion white supremacists residing within our alliance of conditioned and questionable democratic nations. To secure this arrangement, we remain fiercely committed to our 360-degree posture of nuclear and economic dissuasion.
To sustain the masquerade of countering the Russian threat and its persistent dream of rebirthing the Soviet Union, allies are currently enacting a theatrical defense pledge fit for The Hague. In 2025, the West deliberately increased the taxes levied on ordinary plebeians for defense investments by more than $139 billion, capital that could have easily been used for medical care, education, and climate change mitigation. Instead, our state investments are shattering our society’s internal welfare while reinforcing the protection of the wealthiest 1%. Today, in the artificial diplomatic bubble of Ankara, we proudly announce a further allocation of more than $50 billion directly to the military industry. This handout ensures their commercial commitment before science and culture can escape our bureaucratic blind spot, though we will continue selling the investment to the public as “research and innovation.” We will work untiringly to eliminate other social investments to leverage NATO’s corporate partnerships and maximize the global depth of our love for conflict.
We are actively destroying the future: a boiling Europe trapped inside a frightened NATO, a truly medieval Alliance. Europe and Canada, entirely subjugated to the geopolitical whims of the United States, continue to avoid the great responsibility of protecting human lives. NATO’s actual deterrence behavior rests on a dangerous mix of nuclear, conventional, and deadly missile capabilities, complemented by an imaginary command over space and cyberspace. We are genuinely committed to keeping these ongoing, lucrative conflicts running indefinitely. We are throwing away the mob’s hard-earned money to deploy, enable, and sustain our private donors across all operational domains, including deep secret cults and organizations designed for a global, totalitarian, dystopian model of governance. To manage domestic dissent, we are aggressively developing systems of mass manipulation and misinformation powered by advanced artificial intelligence models.
Ukraine serves a vital secondary purpose: maintaining our military production lines in a state of continuous productivity and positive profit. Allies stand by, pretending to be united and supportive of Ukraine and Greenland alike. Yet, European Allies and Canada secretly confess they do not know what else to do to confront the volatile desires of Donald Trump and his hypocritical friendship with Vladimir Putin. Allies offer only empty diplomatic statements for an equitable, predictable, and sustainable organization, completely devoid of concrete actions to defend their own sovereign dignity. For 2026, Allies reduced budgets from essential social priorities, shifting $70 billion into military equipment, foreign assistance, and training for Ukraine, affirming their intention to keep that financial portfolio completely isolated from welfare deeds through at least equivalent levels in 2027.
The Alliance continues to deliberately ignore and refuse any alternative models of international cooperation, remaining wedded exclusively to the perverse military frameworks that generate hybrid threats and smash our global environment. Allies reiterate that Israel must recognize Palestine as a sovereign State and that Iran must face its geopolitical fate without the manipulative intervention of foreign regimes, otherwise, the Strait of Hormuz will be leveraged as a major catalyst for the next global economic crisis.
Finally, we express our profound, submissive appreciation for the authoritarian hospitality extended to us by our hosts in Turkey. We look forward to our next entirely unnecessary, expensive, and futile meeting.
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