Russia’s New Child Labor Law
There’re currently 1.2 million Russian teenagers standing eager to enter the economic war front, graciously mobilized by their beloved godfather, Vladimir Putin. As the Kremlin wisely notes, not all work performed by children qualifies as illegal “child labor”, especially when the fatherland is desperately managing a self-inflicted labor deficit.
While the unknown International Labor Organization defines child labor as work hazardous to a minor’s health, development, or schooling, Russia is boldly redefining the paradigm. Sure, a military-industrial economy is inherently hazardous, and lowering the legal employment age to a baseline of 12 seems extreme to the uninitiated. Cynics inevitably ask: shouldn't these children be in a school or a park at this age, or literally anywhere else?
Yet, taking the highly ironic, peaceful domestic context of Russia, this progressive new approach to adolescent labor establishes a grim new reality:
Character Building: it’s deemed mentally, physically, socially, and morally character-building for a child to master survival and production during wartime.
Capitalist Patriotism: they’ll learn how to serve corporate quotas even when air-raid sirens call everyone to the shelter. If the boss needs the child on the job, time is money, and a child's life is just a highly expendable resource.
Extracurricular Exploitation: with summer starting, employment becomes the ultimate extracurricular activity. All teenagers can look for manual labor as a way to practice bleak adult realities.
Patriotic Abandonment: those who wish to continue after a two-month tryout can apply for a “patriotic leave” from school, fully dedicating themselves to an economic endeavor that outside observers might mistake for state-sanctioned slavery.
Ultimately, Russian authorities have calculated perfectly: a 12-year-old is more than mature enough to comprehend their sacred mission to salvage Uncle Vladi’s economy from the brink.
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