Fashion Is Avarice

The Metropolitan Museum of Art or “what art used to be” before it became a tax-deductible storage unit, has announced the details for the 2026 Costume Institute benefit. Billed as an “early-access Halloween party” (because October is too far in time and much too cold for silk organza), the event remains the premier stage for the elite to perform charity.

We require the sycophants of our billionaire class to douse the museum in liquid assets, rebranding the spectacle as a “fundraising event” to facilitate further tax evasion under the guise of cultural preservation. The exhibition will examine the centrality of pecuniary gluttony while millions of “essential workers” struggle to reconcile their utility bills with their caloric intake.

By juxtaposing obscene net worth with pop-nihilism across the hallowed halls and red carpets, the event successfully crafts a thin veneer of social awareness. For 2026, attire must harmonize with the aesthetic of the “Hell Realms,” interplaying artistic representations of our doomed, apocalyptic actuality with high-fashion tailoring.

The official Gala dress code is “Fashion Is Avarice.” Guests are invited to express their true mindset and their intimate relationship with the massive accumulation of capital as an embodied art form. This is a night to celebrate the rising tides of systemic inequality and the beautiful fragmentation of a society in collapse.

As is tradition, the Met Gala is held on a Monday to ensure the ensuing media circus provides a week-long distraction from minor inconveniences such as global conflicts, unsealed Epstein files, and the offshore accounts of the attendees. The funds raised will primarily bankroll this exhaustive media coverage, though a few nominal pennies may eventually trickle down to lesser museums.

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