The Eternal Kiss-Ass Late Night Show

I can’t really say what’s going on with Iran because I have the official "Orange Cancel Culture" breathing down my neck, or rather, up my butt. President Trump just claimed that negotiations are a "win-win," but only for the U.S., since they just talk on the phone forever.

(Phone Rings)

Trump: This is Donald, the Emperor. Do as I say!

Fallon: I’m so sorry, sir! I can’t right now, I’m on TV. But later... we can play games?

Trump: Just so I know, would you like only me, or the "Three Donny Combo"? That’s what the Iranians want to open my Strait… sorry, their Strait. Is that a deal?

Fallon: Sir, I told you, I’m on TV! People will notice!

Trump: I’ll also give you a golden statue in Times Square.

Fallon: Oh, well... if that’s what you want...

Trump: I can add the full Melania backstage film, only for you. I think you’re the only one who saw it.

Fallon: Sir, it was fantastic! Beautiful acting. She should come to the show for a lip-syncing concert!

Trump: Why? Because she’s more attractive than me?

Fallon: No.

Trump: Does she speak better English than me?

Fallon: No… well…

Trump: Does she have more hair than me?

Fallon: No.

Trump: Is it because she can wear skirts and not me?

Fallon: No.

Trump: Is it because she’s younger than me?

Fallon: No! I’m sorry, sir. I’m hanging up now.

Trump: I’ll call the Revolutionary Guard to back me up!

Fallon: Oh my god!

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