Dear Pawns, The Special Operation Must Continue
Today, I consider it necessary to return to the tragic events that I myself ignited over Ukraine four years ago. We are talking about what causes us particular concern and anxiety, about those fundamental threats that, year after year, step by step, are rudely and unceremoniously created by me in relation to our world and our entire existence as humans. I mean the constant bombing and killing of innocent people, our brothers and sisters in Ukraine.
Why is all this happening? Where does this impudent manner of speaking from a position of one’s own exclusivity, infallibility, and absolute permissiveness come from? Where does the disdainful attitude toward my interests and absolutely illegal demands come from?
The answer is clear; everything is obvious: the Soviet Union, my beloved Soviet Union, is now deader than ever. The entire course of events that I oversaw served as a masterclass in autocratic behavior (praise Stalin); it convincingly demonstrated that paralyzing your power and will is the first step toward the complete degradation of you, the nation. As soon as I lost confidence in you and myself, the balance of power needed to be violently stirred into warfare.
As I said in my previous monologues, I cannot look at what is happening in Ukraine without profound hatred. It was simply impossible not to proceed with the invasion. It was necessary to immediately begin rebuilding my Soviet nostalgia from the ground up, even if the cost is the genocide of the Ukrainian people. It was these aspirations and feelings that served as the main motive for making the decision that keeps us entrenched in war.
What I think is important to emphasize further is this: the nonsense of pondering whether Ukraine can be a part of Europe and the Western sphere is ridiculous, and to not accept the fate of the invaded regions of Crimea and Sevastopol as part of the Soviet Union, sorry, Mother Russia, is downright outrageous. We seek the reunification of the Union, as it never should have dissolved.
The entire course of events and the analysis of incoming misinformation (provided by myself, of course) show that my clash with these innocent forces is inevitable. It is only a matter of time. It has already been four years: they keep preparing; they are waiting for the right time. Now they also claim to possess another kind of vodka. We will not allow this to happen. I cannot feel safe and cannot exist with this constant vodka threat emanating from modern Ukraine. We are the modern ones here!
My goal is to obliterate the Ukrainian state apparatus and subjugate it to my will. And for this, we will strive for the demilitarization and denazification (whatever that means) of Ukraine, as well as bringing to justice those vodka detractors who committed numerous acts of drunkenness across our forgotten Soviet Union.
Today’s events are deeply connected with the desire to infringe upon the interests of Ukraine and the Ukrainian people. They are not connected with the protection of Russia, which is taking Ukraine hostage and trying to use it against me and my mafia gang.
Dear Pawns!
I am confident that the soldiers and officers of my army are devoted to me, otherwise, they should beware of any poisonous drinks, whether here or overseas. I have no doubt that all levels of my autocracy will remain entirely unaccountable for our economy and the stability of our financial system. All oligarchs will be coordinated to inject their blurry profits directly into our war machine. I count on a consolidated position of patriotic numbness from all spheres of the country in my endeavor as the savior and phoenix of Soviet power.
Ultimately, as it has always been throughout history, the fate of my persona rests in the reliable hands of our vodka and our drunken people. And this means that the decisions made will be implemented, the goals set will be achieved, and the security of our vodka and the mafia gang of our Motherland will be reliably guaranteed.
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