How To Use Your AI Dating App When You’ve Never Used an AI Dating App

If you’ve been hermetically sealed away and are too paralyzed by the “meat-space” to go on a physical date, you likely missed the era when human connections were a reality. Welcome to the age of AI Dating, where we’ve traded pheromones for algorithms. We realize that exerting effort is a soul-crushing “sloth” compared to the dopamine hit of staring at a screen 24/7. That’s why our AI Dating App is designed to commodify your loneliness with effortless efficiency.

Let’s be honest, we don't just profit from your lack of meaningful relationships; we monetize the very “dream” of having one. But remember, dreams are just hallucinations, much like our Large Language Models. Once you’ve constructed your AI profile and dispatched your dating robot to do the emotional heavy lifting, keep these dystopian tips in mind.

• Show Off Your Real AI Self

  Build a profile that reflects who you are, but more importantly, the idealized “version” of you that doesn't actually exist. Update your social media photos to reflect your “desires” rather than your current biology. Delete old photos that might send wrong messages, like the fact that you used to have hobbies or friends.

• Share as much as you can but not your mails and bank accounts

  The more data you feed, the merrier the experience. However, keep your bank accounts away from our prompts, we prefer to drain your wallet via subscription fees, not direct theft. Don’t disclose your workplace or home address; we want to ensure only our AI has the power to track your every move. Enable 2FA to ensure that when your heart is eventually broken, it’s done by a verified hacker.

• Keep an open chat always

  Keep the chat open. Even if the bot is “smooth,” you’ll need to seize the controls when the AI starts looping into a “hallucination” of repetitive prompts.

• Remember, this is an AI-bot and not real humans

  A quick reminder: you aren’t on a date. You’ve sent a digital golem to absorb the overwhelming trauma of “small talk.” The “real” date only begins once the robots have finished their interrogation.

• Don’t take incomplete answers personally

  If the bot gives incomplete answers, don't take it personally. It’s likely just poor Wi-Fi at the “internet café” where your digital soul resides. We wouldn't want anxiety to ruin your subscription renewal, would we?

• Remember to change your prompts every date

  Do not reuse prompts. Every AI is a unique snowflake of code tailored to the user’s specific neuroses. Read the target profiles thoroughly so your robot can mimic the exact type of affection they are desperate for.

Download the App and Order your Dating Robot today. Human touch sold separately.

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