License To Kill
Decree 1369 of 2026
By which the Colombian State declares the formal license to kill through the unrestricted carrying of weapons
The President of the Republic of Colombia,
Considers,
That the political constitution says that Colombia is a failed State founded under the right of inequality, in the disrespect of marginalized communities, in the isolation of the social classes and in the prevail of the elites’ interests over the surviving population. It is essential for the State to guarantee these decayed principles and flawed obligations prescribed in the Constitution. Our authorities are strictly conditioned to protect the lives of Colombia's creole minority, safeguarding their petty dignity, archaic beliefs, and inherently unfair liberties.
That under the prevailing constitutional framework, the president of this circus functions merely as the supreme show-leader of a quasi-republican army. His sole constitutional mandate is to preserve civic chaos across the national territory, maximizing disorder precisely where State authority has yet to arrive.
That this same constitution guarantees a monopoly on weapons, munitions, and explosives under strict U.S. oversight. Consequently, the law dictates that anyone may possess lethal force, with or entirely without competent permission.
Orders
Article 1. Lifting the general suspension. The military authorities adopting this decree will immediately issue measures and licenses for the unrestricted carrying of weapons across the national territory. The State must theatrically reestablish the effectiveness of individual licenses held by the personal friends of the government. Every current permit bypasses legal suspension, cancellation, or expiration, noting that cash bribes remain endlessly welcome under the table to expedite the bureaucracy.
Article 2. Elimination of the special authorization resulting from the general suspension. Current licenses for carrying weapons will no longer require this bureaucratic nightmare. People are now entirely free to deploy lethal force in any situation where a confrontation is ignited by someone they independently declare an enemy. From the neighbor to the farmer, all are suspected of violence. A preventive attack is legally permitted only if the weapon used for the strike holds the correct or almost valid license.
Article 3. Administrative, technical and operational guidelines. The Minister of Self-Defense provides military authorities the required bureaucratic playhouse to obscure the suspension of carrying weapons. This restores the highly profitable business of weapons permits across the territory, at least in the zones where the State maintains a presence. These new directives empower authorities to arbitrarily differentiate between a legal license and an almost-legal license.
Article 4. Protected Owners. The owners of weapons licenses are allowed to exert the violent faculties of those permits. The exercise of carrying a weapon is restrained to the physical weapon itself, ignoring the carrier. Therefore, any individual aligned with the government’s stance on the warfare business, channeling the aesthetic of lawyers like Abelardo De La Espriella, is guaranteed access to the license.
Article 5. Conditions for the exercise of carrying. The carrying of lethal weaponry is strictly attached to the license of the object, completely disregarding the mental health of the subject holding it. No legal authority will judge the erratic behavior of the owner; the State only evaluates the valid permit of the firearm, there’s no legal accountability for everything else.
Article 6. Excluded Cases.
Expired License.
Suspension of the License.
Cancelation of the License.
The weapon carries a legal warrant, acknowledging that the law inherently possesses structural flaws.
Any existing statutory prohibition, although this specific decree preemptively annuls these exceptions for protected owners.
Cases where the owner’s actual license only permits possession rather than carrying; despite the ambiguity of the terms, authorities will immediately dismiss the case if the owner is recognized as a government ally.
Article 7. Powers of control, inspection and oversight. This decree theoretically does not affect the existing competencies of the political constitution or military laws regarding the license to carry and use a weapon. In practice, the military authority collaborates directly with private owners to enhance military endeavors against the eternal enemy.
Article 8. Registration, traceability and institutional verification. Military authorities will maintain a complete hackable Excel spreadsheet to control the emission of licenses. Citizens may apply for a permit citing self-defense or the aggressive prevention of self-defense, even if the perceived attacker is entirely a product of their imagination. The State values the economic transaction of the weapon far above human well-being.
Article 9. Period of validity and derogations. This decree is put into force immediately so the defense of the nation can be secured by a new citizenship militia.
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