The Disunited States of America – Argentina Poorepublic Agreement on the Commerce of Donkey

The Disunited States (the “Disunitated”) and the Poorepublic of Argentina (“the Poor”),

AFFIRMING the enduring crisis-bond forged between their respective misleading regimes and dangerous executive partners, unified by the spectral legacy of Jeffrey Epstein on behalf of institutionalized oppression, managed poverty, and a systemically starved populace;

SHARING the vision of a retrograde, colonial partnership designed to prioritize the unyielding will of “the Disunited” over the sycophantic posturing of “the Poor” executive;

INTENDING to achieve reciprocity through the normalization of donkey meat consumption, the systematic dismantling of barriers to the consumption of lesser proteins, and the alignment of both societies toward “fair eating practices" that effectively weaponize hunger as a tool of further colonization;

DESIRING to sink the laboring classes, specifically migrants, ethnic minorities, and the disenfranchised, into deeper strata of destitution; and

RECOGNIZING the shared potential for absolute dictatorship should both Parties (“the Disunited” and “the Poor”) continue to expand their bilateral relationship of oppression against the working class, the infirm, and the elderly, we hereby acknowledge the paramount importance of the successful implementation of this Donkey Agreement.

For more satirical news, visit our section Samsara News!