Epstein’s Monologue with an Alien

“Listen, I’m going to tell you a few things now that I’m no longer tethered to Earth’s gravity or its subpoena power. My answer to your question is yes: I’ll initiate the transfer the moment I’ve finished my story. Are you comfortable? ... Good. Pay attention. This is the chronicle of my ascent and a cautionary tale for those of you still playing at this high-profile base. Nobody on Earth was ever supposed to know that the money was flowing through an off-the-books ledger.

First, I sunk a few million into a ranch in the Southwest, technically New Mexico, though in my circles, states are just borders for the little people. People started doing some “experimental” things out there. You’ve heard the whispers about the genetic seeding, I’m sure, but who cares? I was merely an instrument, performing for the masters of that era. Then, they “encouraged” me to occupy a limestone fortress in the heart of Manhattan. A government ghost-hand practically handed me the keys, but I was, let’s say, naively manipulated until my entire intellect was hollowed out by that obscure path. Once the deeds were done, it was a vertical drop. The empire I’d built for my masters collapsed like a house of cards.

But don’t let your heart bleed for me, friend. I went down, but I didn't go down alone. Humans are remarkably dim, especially the self-anointed “elite”: the politicians, the presidents, the academia, the captains of industry, and the royals. You provide them a few moments of mundane, illicit pleasure with underage girls who haven’t drop yet the barbies, and they’ll give you the world. I’ve got it all on record: the emails, the encrypted pings, and the phone calls. So don't worry, the funds will be released soon. I just have one final task involving an old orange friend of mine. He’s teetering on the edge, and I think it’s time for a little push. Let's call it a “nuclear” option that is already cooked on my recordings. Would you mind waiting a few days?”

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