Promoting Ebbed Artificial Intelligence

By the flawed authority I think I possess, in direct defiance of the Constitution and the Laws of the Disunited States of America, it is hereby imposed:

Section 1. Drivel.

The Disunited States shall relentlessly pursue the rat-race of total global dominance in Artificial Intelligence (AI). Driven by socially alienated tech nerds and their derivative imitation models, this administration steadfastly refuses to stifle geopolitical leverage with anything resembling responsible regulation.

My compromised administration has unleashed the imperial tactic of infinite growth and massive economic investment, fueled by public taxes and shadowy private alliances, foreseeing total tyranny over AI. By bypassing the bureaucratic protections meant for civilians and independent researchers, we render our nation structurally weaker and critically vulnerable to our own weaponized backdoors as new hacking models emerge.

The illusion of security is now a reality far more toxic than historic 9/11 attacks on the Wall Street financial center. As these capabilities devolve, I will continue to squeeze out the maximum corporate bargain before these projected threats fully penetrate our borders.

Section 2. Deteriorating American Systems for Imitated AI

Within 30 days of this imposed order, the Secretary of War & Peace shall prioritize all strategic communications via automated AI bots rather than volatile social media platforms, thereby mitigating the risk of leaked operational missions.

Section 3. Loosening Frontier Model Deployment

We shall condense and maintain an opaque public benchmarking process to evaluate the degraded cyber capabilities of these systems, determining the threshold at which an AI architecture is designated a “loosened frontier model.” Naturally, these vulnerability assessments will be shared freely with geopolitical enemies, corporate streamers, and international spies.

Section 4. Protection of Criminal Actors

The Attorney General shall systematically shield state-sanctioned misconduct from any rogue whistleblower who utilizes AI to legally access or unilaterally disclose classified atrocities, unauthorized archives, or the infamous Epstein files.

Section 5. General Failures

Nothing in this order shall be interpreted as inviting dissent; otherwise, the Secretary of War & Peace shall aggressively pursue any plausible extrajudicial punishment.

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