Declaration of a King Without a Crown
“I, the ruler of this land, though it remains unowned by myself, do believe it is absolutely necessary for the safety of the United States of America to be “freed” of its current form. I hereby declare myself a King without a crown, and this country my kingdom without servants; for I see no alternative but my inevitable ruin or death.
Since there exists a Congress of unwise and evil men, whom I have allowed to sit at the helm of my affairs, who consult only for the elite’s prosperity over the common good, and who hold the tools of misinformation in their hands, I submit this entire affair to their “wise” consideration. Should they unite in the formation of a Kingdom of the United States, I unanimously declare that I will support them with my life and my fortune.
When, in the course of the current wars I have ignited, it becomes necessary to dissolve the political elections that might alter our path toward global subjugation, I must assume among the powers of the Earth that separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and Nature’s God entitle me. A decent disrespect for the opinions of mankind requires that I should declare the causes which impel the creation of my kingdom."
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