The Last Crusader Vow

Political cartoon shows Pete Hegseth in bed with Jerusalem cross tattoo asking Devil about being Secretary of War, Devil responds referencing Bible and Pulp Fiction.

I declare, in the name of God, my traitorous mind

too feeble to fulfill the words of the Bible

or any extremist, chaotic, misunderstood ideology,

or the Hollywood scripts that have deceived my belief;

I, as the War Commander, because there’s nothing left to defend,

will brand the cross of holy city into my chest

and pour distilled alcohol through my veins

until my victim’s bribe hushes my woe;

hereby, I solemnly announce

my profound lack of true knowledge of the world’s systems

and my faith: a contradiction to life and love,

so take me out of the public eye, Deus Vult!

It is, thereby, my obligation

to abdicate any decision of my own

that could drive the destruction of innocent lives

or the army itself,

and to leave this world in the hands of those

who can actually read the texts I cannot write.

To Jerusalem and Babylon,

this is the end of the last crusader

who couldn’t foresee the will of the Almighty,

but only the seduction of darkness.

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