The Hentai-virus

Another epidemic has just bloomed,

this time, it wasn’t the bats or a clandestine lab;

It wasn’t China, nor the usual conspiracy cabal;

no, this time it’s different.

The name? Hentai-virus within the Orthohentai-virus?

Existing only through the breath and touch of rodents.

What guilt does a mouse bear for a flowering plague?

Oh no, the mice cannot carry the weight of human frailty,

Yet, solutions are already teetering on the brink.

Scuttle the cruiser where the rot began?

Exile every passenger to the Arctic wastes?

Grill every mouse in sight?

There’s another solution, though, a delightfully absurd one.

We summon the nostrils of the one

whose terror lurks beneath the toilet rim.

Those nostrils sniff every germ, and yes, that “magic white powder” too;

You know exactly the man I mean.

He’s no anteater, nor an elephant,

And certainly, no paragon of humanity,

Just the sheer, unadulterated power of Robert Kennedy Jr.’s stupidity.

He’s the one to snuffle the epidemic right out of our masks,

And straight out of the sciences that could actually cure us, boy, he’d hate that.

We need those nostrils on the Dutch ship,

So the pandemic never finds its way home again.

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