Tobacco Companies Care For the Lungs

A satirical health illustration showing a "before and after" comparison of lungs. On the left, gray and slumped lungs; on the right, pink dancing lungs.

Our tobacco companies’ dedicated efforts to systematically pollute your lungs begin with the theatrical performance of ongoing compliance with laws around the world. Even when we are legally coerced into displaying graphic photos of the rot and disease we cause, we remain the undisputed number-one contributor to cancer worldwide.

While we navigate modern mandates and prohibitions, one thing remains certain: there is a definitive “before” and “after” for your health once you took that first illicit puff as a teenager, hiding from your peers.

Our tobacco companies provide “lobby reports” celebrating the aesthetic benefits of our products, such as how sublime it is to smoke a cigarette after dinner or intimacy; paired with morning coffee; while dancing or just inhaling toxins during a casual chat with your friends.

For more information about our mission to shorten your lifespan and how our products are engineered to be highly addictive, please visit our shrine to dependency: www.whydoismoke.org

For more satirical news, visit Samsara News!

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