The Alien That Became Krishna
[Scene]
Sometime after their respective Earth-stints, two extraterrestrial pals are seen trading notes on their human experiences. On some unnamed planet, they trudge in circles around a massive crater, a pointless habit they picked up mimicking humans walking around Earth's lakes. Both beings addressed their thoughts telepathically and their names aren’t part of the dialogue. They don’t have one.
Alien
“So, how was your trip?"
Alien
“Well, adapting to the meat-suit wasn’t easy at first," (a pause with the gaze on the crater)
"The relentless cycle of breathing, eating, sleeping, and shitting, it's a full-time, day-and-night job."
Alien
“I know, right? But once you figure out how the biological plumbing works, the rest is easy, isn't it?"
Alien
“Indeed. In the end, that's the easy part. But dealing with the other species was a nightmare; I mistakenly assumed everything that moved was sentient and wanted to chat." (A cynical laugh burst.)
Alien
“What do you mean?"
Alien
“They have these chaotic things down there; they call them animals, insects, and whatever. It was impossible to reach an understanding with them; some of them live in the water, in which I couldn’t breathe; others fly pretty high, so it was impossible to do that either because of the meat-suit, so I stuck with the humans.”
Alien
“Right, and where did you land?"
Alien
“In a ridiculously hot patch of dirt called Gokul, part of a massive landmass called India, according to the people living there. It was stunning, though, dripping with that green infection they call nature, mountains, and waterfalls. There were a bunch of beasts, big and small, and one string-shaped thing that crawls called a cobra. It bit me, and everyone lost their minds, convinced I was a goner. Obviously, their venom couldn't breach my system, so I didn't feel a thing; it was hilarious!"
Alien
“Oh, and what happened after you failed to die?"
Alien
“Things got remarkably weird! After the snake scene, some of the humans started identifying me as a superior being. I just played along, telling myself, “Let’s have some fun with it.” I never questioned their delusions; I was just riding the wave of blind fanaticism, you know?"
Alien
“Haha, what did they make you do?"
Alien
“First, they gave me a new label: Lord Krishna. They literally painted my host body blue, punched holes in my ears, grew my hair out, and draped me in obnoxious, shimmering fabrics. Suddenly, people were throwing banquets in my honor and dancing frantically. I've never received so much attention!"
Alien
“Haha, humans are suckers for a good pageant. Did they make you do anything else?"
Alien
“Yes, I had to lift a literal mountain."
Alien
“What? A mountain? Why? And how did you pull off that trick?"
Alien
“I got a bit cocky. There was this catastrophic atmospheric anomaly, an absurd amount of water falling heavily from the clouds. Everyone in the village was running around in a panic, claiming this punishment had come because of their “evil deeds.” I didn't see the big deal; maybe they murder each other sometimes, but we constantly do that and we're perfectly fine..."
Alien
“Indeed we are. Go on!"
Alien
“So, one frantic local ran up to me and begged, “Lord Krishna, you must do something.” “If the cobra's kiss didn't kill you, then you are a God and you can make the rain go away.” When I heard him, I thought, “Oh, the situation escalated quickly.” “To make the water stop... How do I turn off a planet in this awkward system?” I wondered. "
Alien
“So, what was your play? "
Alien
“First, I hit them with the classic cult-leader word. I said, “Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear.” And then I finished them with this bit: “For one who sees me everywhere and sees everything in me, I am never lost, nor is he ever lost to me.” After delivering those words, I just lifted the mountain with my little finger and held it there for seven agonizing days and nights without rest."
Alien
“Get out of here!"
Alien
“Yup, now I officially hold the permanent status of a God down there."
Alien
“Are you going down again?”
Alien
“No, I’ll never return again as this Krishna dude. I want to be something else… You should try one day.”
[Scene End]
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