Grab Them By the Strait

Scene

It’s a cold morning on March 2nd. The world is witnessing the ignition of another war in the Persian Gulf. Yes, It’s a grim echo of the post-9/11 era; the context has shifted, but the rhetoric remains exactly the same. The United States, mislead by the orange senile head of Donald Trump, is attacking Iran along with his puppet master, Israel. Why? Same bollocks from the Iraq invasion, nuclear bombs. But Iran isn’t Afghanistan or Iraq, and they know how to play dirty, and they play for keeps. However, Trump is Trump, as you’re about to witness.

Israel: “Iran used to be great. It's still very beautiful, in a tragic sort of way.”

Trump: “I moved on them, actually. You know, they were having those riots in the Kurdish areas. I moved on them, and I failed, I’ll admit it. I did try. I gave them weapons; they said they wanted freedom.”

Israel: “That’s huge news right there.”

Trump: “No, no, Bibi. This was a total manipulation, and I moved on them very heavily. In fact, I tried to get them to rise against the Ayatollah. They wanted a new regime. I said, I’ll show you how to change a regime. I bombed Fordow, Natanz, and Isfahan like a maniac. I couldn’t get the Kurds to move; they’re useless. Then, all of a sudden, I killed the Ayatollah. The country is a beautiful mess now, a total disaster. They’re totally going to change the regime.”

Bannon: “Your move is as hot as Hitler’s.”

Cabinet: “Whoah. Yes. Whoah.”

Bannon: “Yes, the orange head has scored. Whoah, my man!”

Trump: “Look at you. You’re a follower.”

Bannon: “You gotta get the bombs up.”

Trump: “Maybe it’s a nuclear one this time.”

Bannon: “Better not be a little one. No, the big one is better.”

Trump: “Yeah, that’s it, right in the Strait of Hormuz. I’d better use some SEALs first to open it up, since they decided to close it without my permission. You know, I’m automatically attracted to the worst... I just start killing them. It’s like a magnet. Just warfare. I don’t even wait. And when you’re the President of the United States, they let you do it. You can do anything.”

Bannon: “Whatever you want.”

Trump: “Grab them by the Strait. You can do anything.”

End scene

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