The Last Sleepover
Scene
The room is decorated in “Gilded Age Despot" at the boarding school of dictators. Think velvet curtains, gold-leafed bunk beds, and a shared vanity. Donny is trying on a tiara. Vladi with a princess band stands by the door, looking haunted.
VLADI
Donny? Can I come in?
DONNY (Adjusting his reflection)
Oh, Vladi! I’ve been waiting for you. Get in here. I have news, terrible, horrible, very bad news. The worst news in the history of news.
VLADI (Sighs heavily)
Me too. The weight of it... I cannot hold it much longer.
DONNY
Well, I’m going first. I have more wars than you, clearly. Everyone says so. “Donny, your wars are the biggest and most beautiful ever.”
VLADI (Coldly)
I’ve started several more, Donny. I’ve tenure at this school. You’re a transfer student. Don't make me wait.
DONNY
Those are little wars. Internal “special operations.” Tiny. Listen, I was supposed to get the Nobel Peace Prize. Do you know what they gave me? A FIFA “Participation” award. I don’t even know what a FIFA is. All I know is we won the World Cup bid, and my New York Jets aren't even allowed to play! It’s a disgrace!
VLADI
At least your name is on a trophy. I’m being “canceled” by the entire planet. Interpol has a warrant for me. I cannot even fly to the Mediterranean to see my newest yacht. My heart, it beats so fast, Donny. I fear the rhythm is... democratic.
DONNY (Dismissively)
I told you! You didn't listen. You never listen to me. I’m the best at listening, but you? No. You have to deny everything. I know guys, cheap guys, very effective, who could’ve handled this for you like with the Epstein Files, ugh, what a nightmare this thing… anyway, they’re the same geniuses who told me to go “Epic Fury” on Iran. What a time! But I’m misunderstood.
(Donny sniffs, a single orange tear rolling down his cheek.)
VLADI
Oh, Donny. What have we done? One cannot simply invade and bomb everything. Nobody cares about my dream of a restored USSR anymore. How do we save ourselves?
DONNY (Lean in close, whispering)
Vladi, listen. We escape. Together. We have the remotes. We press the big, beautiful buttons and the whole thing just... goes away. It’ll be huge. It’ll be glorious. And then we’ll be free.
VLADI (Eyes widening)
A dream, Donny. A beautiful dream, like in 1962. Pinky promise?
DONNY (Extends a tiny pinky)
Pinky promise, Vladi. You’re my best, best, best friend.
SCENE END
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